WEDNESDAYS WITH EGG - EPISODE 1

EGG VS. THE FENCE

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - GOD VS ALLAH

Last week’s Thursday thought highlighted the dangers TV (amongst other things) can bring to society. The following thought that came to me was initially implanted within my cranium thanks to the afore mentioned image box.

Whilst waiting for the recent episode of “Wednesdays with Egg” to find its way onto my computer screen, I decided to browse the many exciting channels ‘Sky’ has to offer. I eventually bypassed all the shite and settled on the last 5 minutes of “Miami Ink” (This show can be found on DMax or DMax +1 and is normally banging). However, on this occasion, I found myself listening to a whiney pale gentleman talk about how he had found God and wanted a tattoo to represent his path toward Holiness.

For an unknown reason, I exposed myself to 5 minutes of this deluded idiot preaching that everyone should find God in order to strengthen their belief system and love friends and strangers alike, without preference or prejudice.

Instantly, I find that this highlights some issues. From past experience I have found that trying to passionately kiss, sensually hug or cheekily fondle strangers without giving them prior warning, does not force them to believe what you believe; it is in fact the fastest way to go about receiving a karate chop to the face. Alternatively, if a stranger was to return any kiss, hug or fondle you give them, it probably means you have stumbled upon one of society’s many sexual deviants, maybe a Catholic, in which case you may be opening yourself up to a punishment far worse than a blow to the face. Anyway you look at it, if you try to treat a stranger like your friend, you’ll become one of two things in your neighbourhood – 1) Unpopular or 2) Molested.

Upon finishing this thought, I changed channel and watched “The News at 10”, presented by the Welsh moron, Hugh Edwards. It cut to a report showing Islamic Extremists burning effigies of our political figure heads and a few Western flags, all in the name of Allah.

This reignited the thought I had previously been having and left me wandering how one religion could encourage all of its followers to love all Earth’s creations the same, and another condoned violence to anyone living in a country a few miles to the left who had pale skin and was probably clean shaven.

My theory is that God bumped into Allah one day, back near the beginning of time, maybe at Marks and Spencer’s, and tried to give him a hug. Allah didn’t want a hug forced upon him and karate chopped God in the face. Since then the pair have never talked and God moved to the West and Allah took up residency in the East. Slowly, as populations developed on either side of the Earth, the attitudes of God and Allah spread to the regions: Allah’s people hated on the fact that God’s followers enjoyed pre-marital relations and God’s crew couldn’t put up with all Allah’s homies trying to start fights all the time.

Thus the longest dispute in history began. It would probably stop if people realised that God and Allah don’t even exist.

Written by Colin Bruce.